


Dallon

by vaudevillian_girl



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Abusive Parents, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Depression, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-13 18:02:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11765385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaudevillian_girl/pseuds/vaudevillian_girl
Summary: Life had never been easy for Dallon, he had never had the perfect family. As a child he had never had the best parents, his mom was cold and his dad was just awful, he didn’t have many friends and he didn’t like his school. His parents had split up when he had been six, he lived with his mother for few days and then he went to stay with his dad because his mom turned out to be even worse than his dad. He spent almost six years without hearing from his mother, they never really talked and then his mother decided to ask him if he wanted to try to build a solid relationship. Dallon said yes.And then everything started to go down so fast that Dallon didn’t know what to do. His thoughts seemed to eat him alive and he was just surviving through his life. He was like a bubble made with a chewing-gum: he could explode in a matter of seconds.





	1. Bubblegum

**Author's Note:**

> Hi pals, this is a new fic and this means a lot to me. I hope you'll enjoy this even if it isn't a really light work. If the tags triggers you then please, please don't read this. If you want a brief summary of every chapter you can send me a message on Instagram (aexthetic.dallon). This fic treats a really important topic since it's inspired by my own life, this is my life basically.   
> If you ever want to talk to someone, you can talk to me whenever you want.   
> Stay safe pals.

Life had never been easy for Dallon, he had never had the perfect family. As a child he had never had the best parents, his mom was cold and his dad was just awful, he didn’t have many friends and he didn’t like his school. His parents had split up when he had been six, he lived with his mother for few days and then he went to stay with his dad because his mom turned out to be even worse than his dad. He spent almost six years without hearing from his mother, they never really talked and then his mother decided to ask him if he wanted to try to build a solid relationship. Dallon said yes.

In those past six years he had never felt loved, not even once, and he had always regretted living with his dad, it wasn’t a good environment. However when his mother asked him if he wanted to move in her house he said yes, he had missed his mom and he hoped for the best. He wanted to start over and he wanted to have a new life.

However nothing had gone as planned. The first year was okay, he was keeping in touch with his dad and his mom wasn’t that bad after all, she got angry easily and Dallon had to watch whatever he said or did, he needed to be careful. His dad seemed to calm down a little and he got better, he was way better than before and Dallon enjoyed spending time with him whenever he saw him. Things went down badly at the beginning of the second year, his mom had a boyfriend and he was a nice person, he made him discover a bunch of new bands and Dallon got along pretty well with him.

His mom was angrier than before, she was treating him like shit and he was a little scared to be around her. He was thirteen and he was in middle school and he couldn’t live like his other classmates, his mom never picked him up from school and he always had to walk back home and he lived two kilometres away from school. He didn’t like going to school, he didn’t appreciate the people there and he couldn’t talk with his mother or with his dad.

During a cold evening, after going back home, his mom kicked him out after a small argument. He ended up in the street in front of his ex house with a backpack and a bag full of clothes and books. He walked to his dad’s house at eight p.m. with aching feet and tears down his face, he was still shocked and he was sobbing messily while walking and dragging the bag with him. He was tired, he just wanted to sleep and rest but his dad’s house was a little far away and he had to walk thirty minutes before reaching it.

That night he slept too much, his dad didn’t make him go to school on the following day and he was grateful about it, he was too sensitive to go outside. His dad made him settle at his nan’s house since “there wasn’t space” in his house. He had a new girlfriend and she had two children who were grown ass people. Dallon got along with them, they were actually nice and he liked his dad’s girlfriend, she was amazing and he also understood that there wasn’t space for him in their house.

He finished middle school pretty easily, it wasn’t that hard for him and he enjoyed his that Summer. He went to the sea with his dad and his mother seemed to disappear definitely from his life and he was okay with it, he was feeling more than okay and being kicked out didn’t affect him that much, he wasn’t a pussy and he couldn’t cry. It was okay though, he was starting high school in two months and he couldn’t wait to change environment, he knew that it was going to be better.

Dallon passed his Summer sunbathing and reading, he made few friends at the sea and he had fun, he was doing okay and his dad seemed to be way better than before. He actually liked him but his dad scared him when they had small arguments. He didn’t like when his dad looked at him with angry eyes, more than once he had hit him or pushed him against a wall and threatened him with his loud and scary voice, making Dallon cry like “a damn pussy”.

His dad didn’t know a lot of things about him. He was struggling with his sexuality and he was always alone, he didn’t have a lot of friends but he didn’t really mind. He started his first year of high school and he ended up in really amazing classes, he liked his classmates and soon he found himself with lots of friends. He enjoyed his first year, he even found two best friends and that was more than enough for him.

Ryan was a funny guy, he had a blue quiff and he was a dork. Dallon liked him, he was a perfect friend and he always said his opinion on everything. Kenneth was his other friend, he was a little shyer and he was the positive one of the group. Dallon was happy, his life seemed to be okay and he passed the school year without problems.

At the end of the year he accepted the fact that he was pansexual, he dated a guy for few months and then they broke up, it was a mess and it happened at the end of June. Dallon had a crush on another boy, he was older than him and Dallon liked him a lot, he seemed a nice person and he had a cheerful smile on his face no matter what. Brendon was his name, Dallon wanted to talk to him but he was too shy to do something, he preferred to hide in the school corridors whenever he saw him. However Ryan convinced him to go and do something, at least talk to him on a social network.

And during Summer he gathered the courage and wrote him on Ask. It was a dumb move and he knew it but he couldn’t help it, they talked for a whole night and Dallon never revealed himself to Brendon. After few days of talking anonymously Dallon gathered the courage and wrote to Brendon on Facebook, he was surprised when Brendon told him that he knew him, that he had seen him around.

They talked for a month and then both of them started to lose interest, Dallon had appreciated those days but he needed to move on a little. His mom had started trying to talk to him again and he didn’t really like it, plus his dad was acting strangely and he didn’t like it at all, he felt unsafe whenever he was around his dad and things seemed to get worse at the beginning of July.

Dallon’s mental health seemed to go low as well, he didn’t know if that was just “a teenager thing”, or at least his dad said so. He started to lose weight quickly, skipping meals was normal because everyone wanted to be perfect and slim, he was just making the process faster. He ended up with a nice body yet his thighs were still bugging him and he couldn’t stop not eating, he just couldn’t. He wasn’t worried about his health, he wasn’t worried about being “ill” because he knew that he wasn’t, he knew that he was more than okay.

He never really addressed the problem with his parents because his mom didn’t care and his dad was never around. His grandmother didn’t really pay attention to the fact that he skipped meals, she just thought that he ate after or before her since he basically lived in his room. Dallon spent his days in his room, writing and listening to music because that was his safe place, his dad didn’t really understand why he hid in his room, he didn’t really care after all.

After the first week of not eating he started to feel dizzy and tired, whenever he stood up too quickly from a chair his head used to spin a little, nothing that he couldn’t keep under control. He was used to it and he was used to the usual headache that annoyed him almost every day. He drank a lot of water and most of his meals- and that happened just when he was really hungry- consisted in tea without sugar and four integral biscuits.

And then everything started to go down so fast that Dallon didn’t know what to do. His thoughts seemed to eat him alive and he was just surviving through his life. He was like a bubble made with a chewing-gum: he could explode in a matter of seconds.

 


	2. Flash

The 1st of August was the day of the truth, that night Dallon had chugged almost eight pills that his nan used to regular her blood pressure and then he went to bed, hoping to never wake up again. He was so tired, he couldn’t keep going and he just wanted to stop the constant pain and the constant anxiety and stress. He just wanted to let go, to not bother his dad anymore.

When his dad found him, on his bed and unconscious, he had to carry him to the local hospital. He gained consciousness again after being placed on the passenger seat, his head felt heavy and it fell forward, he just wanted to let go but his dad kept slapping his thigh to make him stay awake. Dallon fought that constant buzzing noise in his head, he tried to close his eyes again but when he tried to his dad literally carried him in the emergency room.

Few moments later he ended up in a cold room, he wasn’t sure where he was but he knew that he didn’t like the needle in his forearm, it wasn’t painful but the idea of having something in his vein made him freak out. His dad wasn’t around, he didn’t know where he was and he was thankful about it, he didn’t want to see him in that moment. He texted Ryan once the nurses gave him his phone, he told him that he couldn’t go see him that day, he didn’t told him that he was in the hospital because he didn’t want to make him worry.

He spent his whole day in that hospital bed, he slept and listened to his dad fuss and talk, he just wanted him to shut up and let him alone but he didn’t dare to tell his thoughts out loud. He slept a lot and that were the only moments when his dad shut up, Dallon tried to zone out and to not care, he just wanted to sleep forever.

When a psychiatrist entered in his room he faked to be fast asleep, he didn’t want to deal with her dumb questions. Why did you do it? Why do you feel like shit? Why aren’t you trying harder? All of that shit would just make him feel bad and that was the last thing he wanted. He smiled politely at her and furrowed his eyebrows when she sat down near him on the bed, placing a hand on his knee and smiling sweetly, almost sickly.

“Do you know why you’re here, Dallon?” She asked with her sickly sweet voice. “I’m Doctor Lewis and I’ll find you a psychologist, you’ll talk with him on Wednesday, okay?” Dallon shrugged and looked at his legs. “How do you feel?” He rolled his eyes and then closed them, sighing.

“Dallon, answer to the doctor.” His dad said sternly, almost making him shiver in fear.

“I’m okay.” He whispered, sighing.

“Don’t lie to her.” His dad said angrily.

“’m not lying.”

The doctor looked at his dad with pursed lips and few seconds later he walked out of the room. Dallon laid there with his eyes closed and his lips parted, breathing hard and feeling his fingers twitch a little. The doctor stayed there in silence, she didn’t say a thing and Dallon just enjoyed the silence while it lasted. He could feel her eyes on him and he could hear her soft breath, he just wanted to be alone, why didn’t people understand it?

“Do you need anything, Dallon?” Doctor Lewis asked gently.

“I’m thirsty.” He murmured keeping his eyes closed. She handed him a bottle of water and he looked for a brief moment at her hand. “Thank you.”

“You don’t like your dad that much, do you?”

“I do, he's... he's nice.” He murmured sighing. “He loses patience sometimes but it's fine.”

She hummed and shortly after she left the room. Dallon was alone and he could rest, he didn't want to hear anything else nor talk with someone, he just wanted to sleep until the day after. Apparently his dad understood that Dallon wanted to be alone and he didn't even try to walk into his room, he just waited outside and called his mom, telling her what had happened. Both of them didn't really care- Dallon knew it- and he could tell that his mom was just going to send him a dumb message or ignore the fact that he was in hospital.

The next day he went back home and everything seemed to be okay, his dad treated him like he was a fragile porcelain vase and he felt safe in his house, his nan didn't say anything but he could tell by her glares that she was going to chew him a new asshole because “just weak and stupid people attempt suicide”; that wouldn't help but Dallon was used to do everything on his own. He had grown up alone living with an eighty-years-old woman, he knew how to manage his whole life without his parents.

He spent the whole Summer going to therapy and spending two weeks in a mental hospital, which had been fun since he had met new friends, a little fucked up like him but that was okay, they understood him. His psychiatrist was nice, he was a young looking man even if he was almost fifty, he had brown eyes and blonde hair, Dr. Murdoc was really gentle and Dallon trusted him, which was a huge step. He went to his study twice a week, he stayed there for an hour and then he would go home with his dad.

In the past two months they had never fought and that was odd, Dallon suspected that he was being nice just because he was feeling guilty, he also looked at him with pity in his eyes and that was the most annoying thing in the whole world. Dallon was mostly alone and he didn't care, he was used to be ignored by everyone. Ryan and Kenny had tried to contact him during Summer and they met just once to go to an art gallery- and Dallon knew that they had done that just to check on him.

His friends were nice, he loved them dearly but sometimes he just wished that they didn't care, it'd be easier for him to attempt suicide again. Knowing that someone cared stopped him the second time, he had a panic attack while on the phone with Ryan and shortly after both Ryan and Kenny were at his house, comforting him and rubbing gently his back. His dad hated his “psycho moments”, it was just a scene for him and Dallon didn't need meds nor to talk with a fucking psychiatrist, he wasn't insane, he was just an adolescent, an attention seeker like his mother.

At the beginning of September his dad snapped at him, placing a hand around his throat and pushing him against a wall, looking at him with squinted eyes. Dallon cried, oh he cried so much that he thought he was going to pass out, his nan said nothing and after few seconds his dad let go of his throat, Dallon slumped down on the ground like a boneless body. His dad didn't even say sorry, he just said goodbye to his mother and left the house.

That day Dallon understood that no one cared about him, no one was going to be there for him in the future and he was going to die alone. It was okay though, he deserved it. He didn't tell Ryan nor Kenny nor Dr. Murdoc what had happened with his dad, he didn't want to be a pussy and he didn't want to put him in trouble, however he knew that everything had changed. If he made him get angry, he wouldn't just yell at him, he would beat him. He was scared, he was petrified, he just wanted to wake up and realize that it was just a bad dream, that his family was okay and that he didn't crave death with every breath he took.


	3. Apocalypse

The second year of high school started too soon in Dallon's opinion. He was happy to see Ryan and Kenny again but at the same time he was anxious and nervous, he didn’t want to deal with the stress of homework and tests again. His mental health was low again and Dallon didn’t know what to do, his psychiatrist gave him pills and he took them every day, he always did and he never forgot because he didn’t want to piss off his dad.

The first week went easily, Dallon enjoyed school as always and Ryan and Kenny were always by his side, he was glad about it. He saw Brendon around few times but he never said anything nor he waved, he just kept his head low and sighed, snorting whenever Kenny told him to go and say “hi”, he didn’t want to embarrass himself.

However on a chilly morning of September, Dallon almost had a heart attack. He was talking with Ryan in front of the school while waiting for Kenny, he was facing the wall behind his friend and when he felt a soft tap on his shoulder he jolted and turned around, facing Brendon fucking Urie. He was shorter than him, he looked down at him and forced a smile, his breath was stuck in his throat and he was panicking, he could feel his heart beat faster and louder.

“Hi, I saw you around but I wasn’t sure it was you.” Brendon said smiling, scratching the back of his head.

“I-I uhm, yeah.” He murmured looking at him.

“Are you busy right now?” Dallon shook his head and Brendon smiled. “Do you want to grab a coffee with me?” He asked with a smile, eyeing Ryan. “You can come with us if you want.”

Ryan shook his head and smiled. “I’ll wait for Kenny here, have fun!” He said smiling widely, making Dallon roll his eyes.

Brendon laughed and his eyes squinted a little, Dallon looked down at his hands and started to head toward the coffee shop near the school. Dallon was a little embarrassed because he didn’t know what to say or do, he just waited patiently for Brendon to start a conversation. He sighed and bit one of his nails, he walked inside the shop and Brendon followed him, placing a hand on his shoulders and making him flinch away.

He didn’t like when people touched him without asking first, he didn’t like the feeling and that was probably because his dad used to do it a lot. He was always scared to be punched or something by him and that was why he always walked close to the walls when he was at home, he wanted to be able to protect himself in every occasion. He had risked more than once to end up with a black eye because his dad had attacked him from behind.

“Oh sorry.” Brendon said calmly, furrowing his eyebrows.

“No it-it’s fine.” He smiled a little and headed toward the counter to order his usual caramel macchiato.

Brendon nodded and smiled, he ordered his black coffee and he offered to pay Dallon’s order as well but he gave up as soon as Dallon started to shake his head almost frantically. Brendon asked him if he wanted to drink it inside or if he wanted to go back to his friends and Dallon didn’t exactly know what to do. He didn’t want to be rude or anything, he felt like freaking out though and usually Ryan and Kenny were able to make him feel comfortable but at the same time he didn’t want to lose an occasion with Brendon.

He didn’t like him anymore but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t enjoy his company, he looked at him and shrugged, drinking quietly his macchiato. He smiled at him and followed him toward a free table. He licked his lower lip and sighed, he played quietly with them hem of his shirt and sat down, Brendon sat in front of him and rested his chin on his hand, smiling warmly.

“Do you want to hang out one of this day?” He asked taking a sip from his black coffee.

Dallon nodded and looked down at his hands. “Yeah, yeah that seems okay.” He murmured. “Maybe we can go and see that art gallery downtown.” He said excitedly. “We don’t have to, though, I mean if you don’t want to go there we c-”

“That’s a perfect idea, Dallon!” Brendon smiled and sipped quietly his coffee. “Do you like Japanese art? Who’s your favorite?” He asked smiling happily, chewing his lower lip.

“I think that Utamaro is really great.” Dallon said resting his back on the chair, looking at his cup. “His art is amazing even if people judge it by what he represents, I mean they don’t focus on the meaning and that’s dumb.”

Brendon smiled and nodded, he looked at his phone and sighed. “We have to go.” He mumbled with a whine. “We can hang out during lunch if you want.” He said standing up.

“Yeah, it’d be nice.” Dallon murmured finishing his macchiato and throwing the cup away.

They headed toward the school and Brendon left him with both Kenny and Ryan, he bumped his fist on his shoulder and smiled a little, waving at him. Ryan looked at him with an arched eyebrow and Kenny's lips were parted, confused as much as the other. Dallon shrugged and started to walk into the school, his friends were behind him and they didn't dare to ask anything, knowing that Dallon was about to have an anxiety attack.

Kenny wasn't as worried as Ryan, he knew that his friend's health was fragile but he also knew that he could take care of himself. Ryan on the other side was biting his lips because he didn't want to ask him stuff, he wanted to let him settle down a little before asking him what had happened in the coffee shop. He was over-protective and everyone knew it, especially Dallon, everyone knew that Ryan was like a brother to him, they were close and they were the definition of “awesome”.

Kenny went into his class and Ryan and Dallon headed toward their, Brendon waved at Dallon from his classroom and Dallon smiled a little, raising two fingers before rushing toward the Chemistry lab, dragging Ryan with him. His hands were shaking and his lower lip was trembling, he was feeling sick and stress was already making his head throb.

“So...” Ryan said sitting near him.

“We're going out, we'll- we'll go to the museum downtown.” He whispered chewing his lower lip. “I-I think I'm going to throw up.” He murmured placing a hand on his chest and staring at the floor, breathing quickly.

“Jesus, Dal.” Ryan whispered resting a hand on his back, stroking it gently. “Tell this to you psychiatrist, okay? He needs to give you something stronger for your anxiety.”

Dallon nodded and Ryan frowned, hugging him briefly before pulling back. “Thank you.” He murmured closing his eyes.

Dallon ended up vomiting on the floor after twelve minutes of class.


	4. K.

Dallon and Brendon decided to go to the museum on Saturday, Dallon couldn't wait. Everything went okay until Friday, his dad was okay and he even gave him thirty dollars to use on Saturday, Dallon knew that he was going to save most of it because he didn't like to spend too much. The fact that his dad was calm was perfect, that meant that could relax and spend a weekend without worrying about upsetting him with his behaviour.

On Saturday's morning his dad wasn't at home and Dallon didn't worry about it, his dad could take care of himself and he was an adult, he knew what he was doing and Dallon trusted him. He got out at ten a.m. and he took the bus, then the metro and he reached the museum at midday, Brendon was already there, sitting on a bench and typing quickly on his phone. Dallon waved at him and Brendon smiled, standing up and running a hand through his hair.

They decided to go and have lunch before going inside, Dallon wasn't really hungry so he let Brendon pick, ending up in a cool café near the metro station. Dallon ordered just a tea while Brendon had a proper meal, Dallon wished to be as skinny as him, he wished to have that flat stomach that Brendon had. It was frustrating but he was working on it, small meals and skipping breakfast had made him lose almost twenty-two libs in few months, he was proud of himself. Sure, feeling dizzy and almost passing out whenever he stood up wasn't great, but he didn't really care, it was just a small contraindication.

Brendon asked Dallon about everything, he bombarded him with silly questions and Dallon couldn't help but smile and laugh, Brendon was really funny. When they headed inside the museum Dallon felt good, he was silent and his eyes were glued on every single opera, Brendon knew nothing about the technique and Dallon told him everything.

“This one is...”

“Yeah, this one is the famous one.” Dallon said pointing at The Wave “Hokusai made it during the ukiyo-e period.” He murmured staring at the woodblock in front of him. “Do you like it?” Brendon nodded and furrowed his eyebrows. “It's pretty great actually. C'mon, we have other rooms to see.”

“You know a lot about art, Dal.” Brendon smiled and followed him, looking at him with a smile, Dallon hummed in agreement. “Why?”

“I just like it.” He murmured shrugging. “Okay, that one is Sumida River, the Wood of the Water god, made by Hiroshige.” He said pointing at another woodblock. “He's considered the last great master of the ukiyo-e.”

“It looks like the one we just saw.” Brendon mumbled staring at the opera.

“No, not really.” He said smiling, Brendon just nodded.

They spent almost three hours inside the art museum, Brendon learned a lot and Dallon lived for those hours, he was satisfied with what he had seen and he couldn't wait to tell everything to Ryan and Kenny, he took few amazing- and illegal- pictures of his favorite pieces and he was going to show them to his friends. Brendon seemed happy as well, after those hours spent together Dallon understood that he was still having feelings toward him, which was awful, oh so awful, but maybe if he ignored them everything was going to be okay. He hoped so at least, he didn't want to end up with falling in love with him, he couldn't let him do it and he couldn't have a relationship with a guy, his dad would murder him.

They decided to stay downtown for a little more, it was still early and they wanted to enjoy their Saturday. They walked around the city and went to few shops, wandering around with a smile and exploring what was around. Brendon ate during their small walk and he offered various times his food to Dallon, but he always declined with a tight smile. That was when Brendon started to worry, without counting the fact that Dallon had to stop and grab a pole because his head was spinning a little; he told Brendon that it was normal for him.

“Maybe it's because you haven't eaten a lot today.” Brendon said patting his back.

“N-no, no it's because- because of something else, don't worry.” Dallon murmured smoothing his clothes. “Where do you wanna go now?” He asked smiling a little.

“The record shop? They have some great stuff!”

Dallon nodded and started to walk toward the music shop, on their way toward it they talked about music and Brendon's taste was really different from Dallon's. He liked a lot of popular things while Dallon preferred “hidden” music, like indie bands that no one listened to. He adored band that almost reached success, he loved them and a good part of his playlists were filled with “famous yet not too famous band”. When he mentioned Pavement and Ben Folds Five Brendon looked at him with a confused look, furrowing his eyebrows and humming.

When they got inside they started to look through various CDs and Brendon ended up buying the latest one from a band that he liked, Dallon never heard of them. He found a rare CD from Pavement but he wanted to save his money, he left it in the shop and hoped that one of his friends would gifted it to him for Christmas.

“We had fun.” Brendon said smiling, waiting for the bus.

“Yeah, it was nice.”

“We could go out again if you want.”

“Sure, yeah.” Dallon smiled and pointed at the bus. “See you at school.”

Brendon nodded and waved before stepping inside the bus, Dallon waved one last time and then he started to run toward the metro station, hoping to catch the metro on time. He sprinted through people and he bumped his shoulders on few guys but he didn't have time to stop and apology. His dad would be so pissed if he called him saying that he had lost the metro, he didn't want to argue with him and he didn't want to ruin a perfect day with his dumb behavior.

Luckily the metro had few minutes of delay and he ran inside it almost breathlessly, slumping down on a seat and taking a deep breath. His head started to spin as soon as he sat down and he closed his eyes, trying to catch his breath and to regular his heartbeat, he really needed to eat something when he got home, he couldn't risk to pass out at home, his nan would freak out and call his dad, who would just tell him to get his shit together like everyone else.

Dallon took a deep breath and sent a text on the group chat that he had with Kenny and Ryan, telling them that everything went okay and that Brendon had asked him if he wanted to go out few more times, Ryan told him that it was great and Kenny just asked him if he felt okay, knowing that Dallon could get anxious in a matter of seconds. He didn't know if he was okay, he didn't feel anything and that scared him, he seemed to be empty and he didn't feel anything, not even a damn feeling. He looked at himself in the window of the metro and sighed, he was like the shell of himself and it wasn't cool.


	5. Truly

That Monday Dallon went to school even if he hadn't sleep at all, in the past months he had talked and hung out with Brendon a lot, he was a nice guy and both Kenny and Ryan approved him, however Dallon didn't know if he liked him or not, it was too confusing. He didn't know what he felt for him, plus he was having a “long distance relationship”, but neither Kenny and Ryan liked that dude, he was too shady and pretentious, he was selfish and full of himself, but Dallon thought that he was nice, that he truly cared.

It wasn't true.

At the end of February the guy dumped him saying that “he wasn't in love”. Dallon was completely wrecked, especially because he sent him a message while he was at school, then he blocked him on every social media and unfriended him on Facebook, leading Dallon to have a panic attack during lunch break. Ryan got pissed, oh so pissed, that he almost punched a wall while Kenny kept rubbing Dallon's back, telling him that everything was okay. It wasn't true. Everything was going to fall on him and he knew that he was going to die under that kind of pressure, he wasn't strong enough.

It was now the end of March and Dallon was waiting Kenny outside his classroom, Ryan was by his side and he was typing on his phone, humming a song to himself. Dallon felt his phone vibrate in his pocked and he knew that it was Lucas, his ex boyfriend. Ryan arched an eyebrow and Dallon shrugged, they were still friends, he didn't care if Ryan told him that it wasn't okay, that Lucas was bad for him, Dallon thought that he was a nice guy after all, he just needed help.

Ryan argued with him for a whole day, that guy did need help but Dallon had to think about himself first, but Dallon was too stubborn, too kind to focus on himself first. And now he was still texting him, hoping to get back together because Lucas was the only one who could love him, no one could do that because Dallon was hard to love, he knew that.

“There's a concert this Saturday.” Kenny said once he reached them. “We should go, Brendon's going.”

“I don't know, I mean my dad wouldn't let me.” Dallon murmured shrugging. “And I promised to Lucas that we were going to have a Skype call.”

“Fuck him, you're coming with us.” Ryan said smiling. “Your dad doesn't need to know that you're at a concert, we'll tell him that you'll have a sleepover at mine.”

“Okay.” Dallon whispered smiling tightly, looking at his shoes and heading out of the school, taking his cigarettes from his pocket. “But Lucas will get mad and I-”

Kenny rolled his eyes and sighed. “Block him, just like he did with you.”

“Who's playing this Saturday?” Ryan asked nudging Kenny's side.

“Some random band.”

“I can't wait.” Ryan said sarcastically. “But hey, you're going to see Brendon again after like months of you ignoring him.”

“There's going to be Martha as well.” Kenny laughed and Dallon smirked.

“I'm going to spend a whole night with my ex girlfriend? Fuck.” Ryan muttered shaking his head while Dallon laughed and Kenny smiled.

They reached the bus stop and Ryan was the first to take his, then Kenny and then Dallon. He sat on the first free seat and put his earphones in his ears, sighing quietly and resting his head on the window. He was going to tell to his dad that that Saturday he wasn't going to be at home and that thought scared him, he was going to lie to him and he didn't want to do it, what if he found out everything and beaten him up? He didn't want that.

However the idea of going out with his friends sounded appealing and for once he decided to think about himself. He didn't know what he was going to tell to Lucas yet but he would figure something out. It had been so long since he had been able to have fun with people that he liked, he missed being able to spend his nights out with them, he missed Kenny's silly jokes and Ryan's sarcasm, he missed them and seeing them only during school wasn't enough.

When that night his dad went to visit him, Dallon was shaking a little and his hands were trembling, he hated being so anxious, it was just a simple lie and no one would ever find out the truth, he was pretty sure that his dad was going to believe him, he had never lied and that was going to save his ass. He ignored Lucas massages and sighed, he stood up and headed into the living room, his dad greeted him and Dallon smiled tightly.

“I’ll have a sleepover at Ryan’s this Saturday.” He muttered with a small sigh.

“Okay, have fun.” He said shrugging, handing him ten dollars and yawning. “Anything else that I need to know?”

“No sir.”

“Good.”

Dallon walked back in his room and closed the door with a sigh, he rubbed his eyes and shoved the money in his wallet. He texted Ryan and told him that he could go with them that Saturday, Kenny cheered as well and Dallon laughed, shaking his head with a smile. Ryan sent few memes in the groupchat and Dallon chuckled, he loved his friends and they never failed to make him smile and laugh.

He checked his Instagram and saw that Brendon had posted a new picture, he sighed and scrolled past it, he turned off his phone and laid it on the bed beside him. It was still early but he couldn’t sleep, it wasn’t tired enough and he hadn’t eaten at all that day, his stomach was now growling but he didn’t want to stood up and head into the kitchen and grab few crackers, he could go a whole day without eating, it wouldn’t hurt him that much after all.

He curled up in a ball and dragged his fuzzy blanked above him. He pressed his nose in his pillow and sighed, he needed to sleep and he needed to rest for a little, he knew that if he didn’t shut his mind he was going to have a headache. He yawned and rubbed his eyes with his hands, he groaned quietly and slid a hand under his own hip, shuddering, maybe if he jerked off he would fall asleep, but he wasn’t in the mood.

However he ended up with a quick beating off session, he wiped his hands on few tissues and then he fell back on the bed, falling asleep almost immediately. It was sad, he knew that, but it was the best he could do to fall asleep quickly, especially if he wanted to sleep without waking up at three in the morning. He slept peacefully, he was completely drained and not eating had made him so tired that he wasn’t even surprised when the next morning he threw up.

He was going to get better one day, maybe.


	6. Sunsetz

Life has never been easy for Dallon and he should have known it, he should have known that that night was going to be awful. They arrived to the local two hours before and Ryan brought weed, which Dallon smoked without sharing, Ryan didn’t mind since he had brought it for Dallon. Brendon sent a message to Kenny and he told him that they were almost arrived, in the past week Kenny had talked to Brendon during their break and they had decided to go all together, he didn’t know that Dallon was going though, Kenny and Ryan wanted it to be a “surprise”.

Thus when Brendon arrived and saw Dallon waiting near the pub he blocked in the middle of the sidewalk. He stared at him and cleared his throat, Martha rolled her eyes and headed toward the bench, sitting down and avoiding Ryan, Brendon’s other friends introduced themselves and then they started to talk with Kenny, laughing and chatting. Dallon finished his joint, he threw it in a trash can and yawned, walking toward Ryan and sitting behind him.

Ryan rested his back on his chest and stretched his arms, they were sitting on the grass and Kenny was beside them. Brendon looked at Dallon and Ryan with an arched eyebrow and Jacob- one of his friends- asked them if they were together. It always happened, people always thought that they were a couple and that was pretty funny. They were just close friends, they acted all sweetly with each other but Ryan was straight and Dallon saw him as a brother.

Kenny chatted with everyone while Dallon stayed quiet and played with the grass, twirling it around his fingers and sighing, he was already hating that night. He rubbed his face and plopped down on the ground, stretching his arms with a sigh. Ryan turned his head to look at him and Dallon shrugged, closing his eyes and placing his hands on Ryan’s knees. He smiled and poked his hip, Ryan yelped and punched slightly his thigh.

“We should go.” Brendon murmured looking at the door of the pub. “We want to be in the first row.”

Kenny got up and helped Ryan, who helped Dallon, they smoothed their clothes and started heading into the pub, Brendon was behind Dallon and he smiled at him, they stared at each other for few seconds and then Dallon turned his head toward Ryan, sighing and resting his forehead on his head. Kenny looked at them and patted his shoulder, he rubbed his back and smiled, he knew that Dallon could get a little overwhelmed.

“You okay?” Ryan whispered pressing the back of his head on Dallon’s forehead.

“I’m fine, don’t worry.” He smiled and patted his shoulder, pulling back and stretching his neck. “God, tonight we’re going to be so tired.” He said laughing quietly.

“We’re going to McDonald’s, I want a milkshake and French fries.” Ryan said checking his phone.

“Tell me when you _don’t_ want McDonald’s, Ryan. You basically live there.” Dallon said shaking his head. “Your dad hates us.” He said chuckling.

Ryan laughed and nudged his side, Kenny smiled and shook his head, he dragged them toward the door and Dallon shut up. Brendon entered after them and he walked close to Dallon, staying there and looking at him quietly, Dallon was a bit anxious but he was enjoying his presence, Brendon was nice after all, he seemed a bit embarrassed as well and Dallon couldn’t help but smile a little, he wanted to talk and say something but he didn’t know where to start. Ryan was talking with Kenny and Brendon’s friends while Dallon and Brendon were quietly waiting behind them, staying in the second row with their arms crossed over their chests.

Before the guitarist that they wanted to see, there were two bands and Dallon enjoyed them, he had fun and he liked how hyped Ryan got. He was in the front row with one of Brendon’s friends and at one point Martha disappeared with a guy, neither of them really cared. Brendon was beside Dallon, he was close to him and he was keeping his arms crossed over his chest, he was looking at the stage with a smile and he was keeping an eye on his friends, and Dallon was doing the same.

“We look like their parents.” Brendon murmured in Dallon’s hair, pushing on his tiptoes to reach his head.

Dallon laughed and hummed, nodding. “Yeah, look at them.” He said pointing at Ryan and Jacob.

Brendon shook his head and smiled. “Fucking children.”

Dallon smiled and hummed, they fell silent again and Brendon walked a little closer, his fingers brushed his forearm and Dallon petrified, gulping and gripping the hem of Ryan’s shirt with his hand, gulping. He was a little uncomfortable but he didn’t want to push Brendon away, after all he was just touching his forearm, it was nothing to worry about. Brendon looked at him and smiled weakly, making Dallon blush a little, luckily the lights covered his face.

When the concert ended Brendon and Dallon were the first to get out of the pub, Dallon needed fresh air and Brendon didn’t want to leave him alone. It was four in the morning and the sun was about to rise, they could see the few ray of sun in the sky and Dallon smiled, stopping in the middle of the garden to admire it. It was a beautiful sight and he took a photo with his phone, smiling and taking a deep breath, calming down visibly.

The weed had helped a lot during the concert, he had been calm and relaxed even if lots of people were around him, he seemed to not care and that was good. Ryan walked closer to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder, he laughed and nudged his hip with a smile. Dallon laughed and looked down at him, Brendon smiled and pumped his fist on his shoulder, Dallon smiled a little and pushed Ryan away, Kenny chuckled and shook his head.

“We should go, I’m hungry.” Ryan said heading toward his parent’s car.

“Fine, let me say goodbye first.” Dallon said smiling.

Jacob and Martha waved at him while Brendon walked with him to Ryan’s parents car. He opened the door for him and smiled, they stared at each other for few seconds and then Brendon pushed on his tiptoes again and left a small kiss on Dallon’s cheek, he stepped back and waved at him with a smile. Dallon got in the car and closed the door, he waited until they pulled in the street and then he let out a squeak, making Ryan laugh while Kenny was fast asleep with his head on the window.

“This… I’m…”

“You have to text him this week, maybe for his birthday.” Ryan said smiling.

“I don’t know, I don’t know.” He whispered clearing his throat. “It’s- if my dad finds out, if Lucas finds out, I’m fucked.” He murmured with a sigh.

“They don’t have to know, right?” Ryan said lying a hand on his knee, smiling sweetly. “I mean, Lucas he’s not your boss and your dad can fuck himself.” Dallon hummed and shook his head, sighing. “C’mon, you’ll have to start living again Dally.”

Dallon sighed and nodded, taking a deep breath and looking outside. The sun was rising and he stared outside, maybe Ryan was right.


	7. Affection

Brendon’s birthday came too quickly. He had texted Ryan and he had told him that he could text Brendon, after all they were kind of friends and he could wish him a happy birthday. Kenny agreed with them and Dallon gathered the courage and sent him a message, his heart was beating too fast and he could hardly breathe, but he could do that, he knew that he could. He was strong, he could do it.

He wrote to him a simple “happy birthday” and then threw his phone on the mattress, sighing loudly. It was a bad day, he couldn’t look at himself in the mirror without crying, he felt so bad. When he went out he felt kind of cute but then he took few pictures and he just looked bad, oh so bad that he almost cried. He wanted to post something on Instagram since it had been a while since he had posted something but looking at the picture that he had picked up made him want to throw up.

It wasn’t a good day, he was tired and he went to sleep at two p.m., he didn’t want to face the world anymore and he didn’t want to cry again. He turned his phone off and threw it on the carpet, he wrapped himself in his blanked and hid his face under the pillow, breathing quickly and blinking his tears away. He was so tired of living, so tired of dealing with his shit and his fucking mind, he hated everything and everyone.

He fell asleep shortly after and he was glad about it, he dreamt about nothing in particular and that was okay, however his head was aching so much that he felt breathless. He couldn’t sleep again and the cabinets with the medicines was too far, but he couldn’t live with that kind of pain, it was too much even for him, and he was the one who resisted with a migraine for two days. He stood up and stumbled into the bathroom, sighing and swallowing two pills.

He got back in his room and grabbed his phone, he turned it on and waited patiently, he didn’t even want to think about what he was going to tell to Ryan, he was pretty sure that he had written to him because Ryan always did that, he didn’t know what to do. When he saw that Brendon had answered him he just shrugged and called Ryan back, hearing him fuss and complain about him not answering his phonecalls.

Dallon spent few minutes talking with him, telling him that he was okay and that he was just a little tired and sad, Ryan didn’t question him and that was okay, it made him feel better. Dallon said goodbye to him and then he hung up, he checked his notifications and sighed, he needed to answer to Brendon but he didn’t really want to, thus he left him on read and yawned, rubbing his eyes. After few seconds Brendon wrote to him again and Dallon arched an eyebrow, he was a little taken aback by his behavior.

 **Brendon:** Hey.

That was it? Dallon sighed and answered him with a simple “Hello”, he wasn’t really in the mood.

 **Brendon:** Thank you for your birthday wishes, I kind of missed you during this months.

Dallon licked his lips and rubbed the tip of his nose.

 **Dallon:** Oh, I see. Well, you could have written to me if you wanted to.

 **Brendon:** I know. Anyway, how are you?”

 **Dallon:** Meh, you?

 **Brendon:** Fine I guess. Are you free tomorrow?

 **Dallon:** I guess so, why?

 **Brendon:** I wanted to go to the new bubble tea shop downtown. Are you interested?

 **Dallon:** Alright, alright, why not.

 **Brendon:** Cool, cool. What have you been up to in these past months?

 **Dallon:** Not much actually.

 **Brendon:** I see, I had a small relationship but it didn’t work.

 **Dallon:** I’m sorry about that.

 **Brendon:** I heard from Kenny that you were in a relationship as well, is it true?

 **Dallon:** It is, but we broke up due the distance you know.

He lied, he knew that he was lying but Brendon didn’t need to know the truth.

 **Brendon:** That sucks man. I’m sorry.

 **Dallon:** It’s fine, don’t worry.

 **Brendon:** So, I’ll come and pick you up at 4 p.m.?

 **Dallon:** Sure, sounds good to me.

 **Brendon:** Cool! See you tomorrow!

Dallon left him on read again and plugged his phone in, he yawned and rubbed his eyes, he was still tired and a little sad but Brendon fucking Urie had told him that he had missed him and that was more than enough for him. He smiled and rested his head on the pillow, a small giggle escaped from his lips and he sighed quietly, it wasn’t bad after all, Brendon was nice and going out with him wouldn’t be that bad, he had already gone out with him in the past.

Sleep came a little too late for him but Dallon didn’t care, he wasn’t tired after all and he couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that he was going out with Brendon, again. He sighed and rested his head on his pillow, he looked at the ceiling and played with his fingers, humming quietly. He didn’t know what to do or how to cope with himself, he was so bad with people, he was so bad. He hated himself so much.

Also, why did he agree on going to a bubble tea shop? He didn’t like to eat in front of other people, he didn’t want to do it, he hated it. He sighed loudly and pressed his face on his pillow, biting it and groaning. He was so pissed at himself, it was dumb, it was awful, he hated to eat in general but doing it in front of someone just made him anxious and stressed. He was already fat, he had a bit of a pudge and he detested it, he felt so ugly.

Thinking about that just made him shrink into his mind and he sighed, wiping his eyes and grunting quietly. He hated himself, he succeeded in making himself feel bad about himself on his own, that required some amazing skills. He sighed and rubbed his face, he just wanted to fall asleep without crying for once. He wiped his eyes again but few tears started to run down his face again and he just whimpered quietly.

Nothing was okay.


	8. Opera House

The following day Brendon put a lot of effort in picking his clothes up, he wanted to look good. He had been waiting for months to ask Dallon out and now he succeeded, it was great. He was a bit nervous since he and Dallon hadn’t kept in contact for a while but he had said yes, it was a positive sign, right? However when he pulled in Dallon’s drive way he felt his heart in his throat and his stomach was all crunched up. He was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and he was trying to catch his breath.

Dallon walked out of his house and headed into Brendon’s car, he smiled weakly at him and cleared his throat, Brendon gulped and rubbed his face, what was he supposed to do now? Maybe he could greet him, maybe he could just- just do something but he was petrified. He hated his nerves, he hated his stupid anxiety. Dallon stared at him and murmured a soft “hi” before looking outside while fidgeting with his fingers.

“So, uhm, do you want to go?” Brendon asked clearing his throat.

“Yeah, yeah.”

Brendon nodded and bit his lower lip, pulling in the street and yawning quietly. He was a little anxious but he could tell that Dallon was just like him. He looked at him with a small smile and he saw Dallon stare at his hands, scratching gently his own fingers. Brendon drove silently, the radio filled the silence between them and Dallon hummed quietly, swinging his body a little while following the rhythm.

Brendon smiled, Dallon was really nice and he was shy, he knew it, thus he wanted to make him feel safe around him. When he pulled into the parking lot of the tea shop Dallon sighed quietly, he unbuckled himself and looked at Brendon with a shy smile. He studied his face and he noticed few freckles on his cheeks and on his nose, they were so cute. A smile appeared on his face and Brendon smiled back, opening his door and waiting for Dallon.

They headed inside the shop and they went to the counter, Dallon ordered a peach iced bubble tea while Brendon took a mango one. They went to sit down to a table near the main door, Brendon smiled at him and laughed a little, Dallon blushed and looked down at his hands; he was a fucking mess.

He was ashamed, oh so ashamed of being there, he was regretting it and he was regretting being there with Brendon. What had he thought? He couldn’t eat nor drink in front of him, he was so self-conscious that he just wanted to cry. He could taste every single calorie with every sip he too, he shouldn’t have ordered it without checking on the internet how many calories it had. He was going to gain weight again, he was already unattractive, he didn’t want to become uglier.

Brendon noticed a frown on his face and he furrowed his eyebrows. He could see Dallon’s eyes get teary and he panicked, what was happening? Has he said something bad? He took a deep breath and dared to grab his hand, but Dallon flinched away, staring at him with wide eyes. He was so scared, Brendon could see the fear in his eyes and that made his stomach clench. However he brushed his fingers again and this time Dallon locked their pinkies together.

Brendon smiled and Dallon licked his lower lip, he stroked his knuckles and he saw him shiver, goose bumps raised on his arms and Brendon chuckled, he was so damn cute. Brendon took a sip from his tea and gave Dallon his cup, he grabbed Dallon’s and tried it without asking if he could, but Dallon didn’t seem to mind since he took a sip from Brendon’s as well.

“Is it good?”

Dallon nodded. “It is.” He smiled weakly and Brendon took back his cup. “S-so, well, how are you doing?”

“I’m okay, school is driving me crazy but I’m okay. Yourself?”

“I’m fine, I guess.”

Brendon studied his face and hummed, shaking his head. “Thanks for saying yes, I hope you’re enjoying this date.”

Dallon became pale and he swallowed hard. “Is this a date?” he whispered.

“Yeah.”

He nodded and his grip became tighter, Brendon smiled and intertwined their fingers together, Dallon smiled and held tightly his hand. Brendon rested his chin on his other hand and he just smiled, staring at him with dreamy eyes. He was so happy to be there, he was so excited and Dallon seemed as happy as him. Brendon could see that he was sad but now there were a sprinkle of happiness in his eyes. Dallon cleared his throat and took another sip and almost choked on a bubble fruit, Brendon chuckled and Dallon smiled weakly, blushing.

They stayed there for awhile, they talked and talked and Brendon just lost himself in his eyes, they were so warm and deep and Brendon just wanted to stare at him for the rest of his life. He had had a crush on Dallon since he had first seen him at school and now they were on a date, holding hands and chuckling like kids. He was grateful to be with him in that place, Dallon’s personality was mesmerizing and he just couldn’t stop praising him in his mind.

“Would you like to go out again? Maybe next Saturday?” Brendon asked smiling.

“Sure, why not.” Dallon finished his drink and looked at Brendon. “Where are we going?”

“We could have dinner together and then we could just go downtown.”

“Sounds good.” Dallon laughed a little and sighed. “Thank you for this little date, I appreciated this.”

“Do you want to go back to mine after this?” He asked quietly.

“No, I-I can’t, my dad will kill me if I’m late.” He forced a laugh and looked away.

Brendon nodded and scooted his chair closer, he rested a hand on his shoulder and bit his lower lip, smiling a little. He leaned forward and stopped few inches before kissing him. “May I?” he whispered cupping gently his cheek, Dallon took a shallow breath and nodded.

Brendon leaned on and kissed him softly, he stroked sweetly his skin and Dallon gripped his shoulders, he could feel him shake and he hugged him loosely, not wanting to make him feel trapped. Dallon broke the kiss and rested his forehead on his, he smiled weakly and his hands slid down on Brendon’s chest, he smiled and pecked his lips again, chuckling.

“Thank you.” He murmured brushing his lower lip with his thumb.

Brendon smiled and bit gently his thumb, making him laugh. “So, this date went well, huh?”

Dallon hummed and nodded. “Yeah, it did.” He whispered before kissing him again.


	9. John Wayne

Life isn’t perfect, Dallon should have known that. He should have known that his dad will get pissed and find out that he had been texting a boy, he should have been more careful. And now he was regretting everything, he was regretting going out with Brendon, he was regretting their kiss and he was regretting being born.

He was pinned on a wall with his dad’s hands around his neck, he was gasping for air and his lungs were aching, his grandmother wasn’t saying anything and was in tears, he hated his life, he hated his family. When his dad let go of him he just slumped down and his shoulders fell forward, he was about to face plant on the ground but his dad dragged him on his feet, Dallon whimpered and that just made him get angrier and angrier.

Dallon looked up at him and he tried to say something, he tried to say something, to apologize, but his dad punched him, his breath stopped for a second and he coughed, feeling his eyes burn because of the tears. Once again he tried to search help but his grandmother was just shaking her head, muttering. He cried out in pain when his dad slapped him, hard and fast making him tumble down on the ground.

“I won’t raise a faggot.” He said with his teeth gritted.

“I’m sorry.” Dallon whispered coughing.

“I don’t give a fuck.”

His dad got out of the room and he headed out of the house. Dallon was just lying on the ground, his mouth tasted like blood and he coughed again and again, his ribs hurt and his lungs were empty, his stomach was making him rattle in pain and he felt like puking. He knew he was going to pass out there, he could feel his energy leave his body and he could feel his limbs ache, everything was numb.

Indeed, he passed out for at least ten minutes. When he gained consciousness again it was worse than before. He wanted to cry but he couldn’t, he needed to be strong and go away, at least for the night. He stood up slowly, his legs ached and his arms were heavy, he didn’t even wanted to look at the bruise on his body, he couldn’t. Thus he gathered his stuff, his phone charger and his earphones, then a sweater. He slipped on his shoes and walked out of his bedroom, he didn’t even say goodbye to his grandmother before closing the door behind him.

He stepped down the stairs slowly, everything hurt and he was in pain, his face was still red and his eyes were puffy. It hurt so much, every step made his whole body shudder in pain, he was already breathless. He opened the main door and walked out, he rested his back on the closed door and took a deep breath, grabbing his phone with shaky hands. He breathed slowly, a hand on his stomach while searching for Ryan’s number.

“Hey Dal! Kenny and I were about to c-”

“Tell me… that… you-you can…” He breathed shallowly and whimpered in pain. “Let me sleep… at yours.” Every word hurt and his lungs burned.

“What happened?” Ryan murmured.

“My dad…”

“Okay, okay, I- shit, listen I’m not at home yet but can you call someone who has a car?”

“Why?” Dallon rattled coughing quietly.

“Because I’m coming home, Dal.” Ryan sighed. “Just- go to my place okay? My parents aren’t at home tonight.”

Dallon hung up and smiled, he was so fucking thankful to have Ryan in his life. He was pretty sure that Kenny was going to be there as well. He bit his lower lip and searched through his contacts someone with a car, the only person he knew was Brendon but he couldn’t bother him, he couldn’t let him see in that state. But Ryan had told him to go to his place and he couldn’t take a bus since he couldn’t walk without passing out; maybe he should have eaten something that day.

When he pressed Brendon’s name his heart clenched, he was nervous and he didn’t know if he was doing the right thing, he hoped so. He waited patiently and after few seconds Brendon answered, his voice was a little hoarse but gentle.

“Hey.”

“Bren I- can you come and get me? I-I- please.” He whispered breathing heavily.

“What’s wrong?” He asked worriedly.

“I’ll tell you later, just- just please come here.” He whimpered. “Please hurry.”

“Okay, okay baby wait for me. Give me ten minutes.”

Dallon hung up and shivered, he wanted to cry again, he wanted to scream and hid under his own sweater. He rubbed his eyes angrily and sniffed quietly, he took a deep breath and shook his head, he was in a huge mess, he was so dumb. He shouldn’t have called Brendon, he shouldn’t have called him because if his dad found out he would beat him up again and that was the last thing he wanted.

He was starting to doze off when Brendon’s car pulled into his driveway, he looked lazily at it and few tears started to slip down his face, he was so tired and so confused, he really thought that his dad wasn’t going to hurt him, however now he was scared shitless. He didn’t want to go the police or anything, he was sure that it wasn’t going to happen again. He just wanted to curl in a ball and cry now, he just wanted to talk with Ryan and Kenny and forget everything.

“Hey baby.” Brendon whispered once he climbed inside his car. “Come here.” He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and kissed his forehead. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” He murmured holding him tight.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, resting his chin on his shoulder.

“Do you want to go to my place?” Dallon shook his head and closed his eyes. “Do you want to go to Ryan’s?” Dallon nodded and sighed. “Okay, okay. Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Dallon bit his lower lip and broke down, he was ashamed of his ugly sobs and his stuffy nose, he was so tired and so nervous, Brendon was holding him tightly while kissing his head and his neck. He rubbed his shoulders and pressed few soft kisses on his forehead, smiling weakly. He kept him close, his arms were holding him gently to his chest while humming in his ear.

Brendon let him cry, he just waited for him to calm down and he kept rubbing his back soothingly, saying how much he cared about him. He didn’t push him, he didn’t want to know what had happened if he didn’t want to tell him, he wanted him to take his time. Dallon kissed him unsurely, his lower lip trembled and Brendon just held him tighter, telling him that everything was okay.


	10. Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby

When Dallon got to Ryan’s house Brendon insisted to wait until he got there. He kept him close and rubbed his back, kissing down his neck and murmuring sweet nothings in his ear. Dallon laughed quietly, his back was resting on his chest and his hands were playing with his fingers. Brendon kissed his head and sighed quietly, humming and smiling while Dallon kept his eyes closed, he was calm now, he could deal with Ryan’s questions.

“You know what we should do tomorrow?” Dallon shook his head and looked at him. “We could go to my place, have a nice meal and then go downtown.” He rubbed his beck and rested his hands on his waist, feeling him sucking in his stomach nervously. Brendon frowned. “I can touch your ribs, Dal.”

“It’s okay.” He murmured quietly. “I- I’m okay, trust me.”

Brendon sighed and made him turn his head toward him, he kissed his lips gently and brushed his cheekbones. “We’ll talk about this another day.” He whispered on his lips, kissing him again.

He smiled and nodded. He heard Ryan call his name and he looked at him with wide eyes, he was so tired and he didn’t want to let go of Brendon, he felt so safe in his arms. Kenny was behind Ryan and he kept his eyes fixed on him, making Dallon shiver. He held tightly Brendon’s hand and stood up, brushing his clothes and clearing his throat, he was so nervous and anxious and he could already imagine Ryan and Kenny’s questions.

“Oh my god, oh my fucking god. Has he hit you? Does it hurt? Where? What- fuck I’m going to kill him.” Ryan rambled cupping his face and checking his face.

“Ryan let him live, please.” Kenny murmured looking at him.

“No fuck off, he has hurt him.” Ryan sighed and let go of Dallon’s face, taking a deep breath. “Okay, okay. Listen you can spend the night here but tomorrow we’re going to report him.”

“No! I just have two years and then I can find my own place. It’s nothing serious, Ryan, he won’t do it again.” Dallon murmured tightening his grip on Brendon’s hand.

Kenny sighed and shook his head. “I’m going to regret this but I agree, I’m sure it won’t happen again.”

“You can’t be serious!” Ryan muttered shaking his head.

Brendon just rubbed Dallon’s hand and looked at his friends. “Guys listen, if something bad happens again then we’ll do what we have to do. For now we should focus on Dallon.” He smiled gently at him and rested his head on his shoulder.

Dallon nodded and Kenny hummed, Ryan sighed and shrugged, searching for the keys in his pockets. He opened the door and headed inside, the others followed him and Brendon closed the door. Dallon was still holding tightly his hand and Kenny was silent- which was odd-, Ryan was still nervous but Dallon didn’t seem to be in pain anymore.

Brendon made Dallon sit down on the couch and then he followed Ryan inside the bathroom, he came back with a first aid kit and Dallon rolled his eyes, it wasn’t necessary. However Brendon sat down near him and laid a hand on his back, Ryan sighed and dragged Kenny in the kitchen, muttering something about food. Dallon was a little ashamed but he lifted his t-shirt anyway, revealing the bruises on his abdomen. Brendon sighed and looked up at him, shaking his head and starting to medicate him. Dallon winched in pain and whined, he gritted his teeth and Brendon murmured an apology.

“Here, done.” He murmured kissing his shoulder. “Try to rest now, okay? I have to leave soon but I’ll stay until you wake up.” He kissed his face and Dallon smiled, nodding.

He laid down on the couch and closed his eyes, Ryan walked back into the living room and smiled, he mouthed a “thank you” to Brendon and sighed, heading back into the kitchen. Kenny poked his head out and stared at them, he cooed quietly and Brendon rolled his eyes, brushing Dallon’s hair and kissing the palm of his hand. He rested his back on the couch and looked down at Dallon, he was pissed because of what had happened but at the same time he was glad to be there, he was glad to be able to hold him.

Dallon slept for an hour, Brendon kept brushing his hair and stroking his scalp until he woke up, yawning and pressing his forehead on the armrest. Ryan was sitting on his armchair while Kenny was sitting on the floor, playing a game on his phone. Ryan and Brendon had talked and they got to know each other a little better, Brendon felt welcome in that group and he was happy for Dallon, he had amazing friends who cared about him a lot.

Dallon rolled on his left side and looked up at Brendon, he yawned quietly and smiled weakly. Brendon lowered his head and kissed his cheek, making him smile widely. “I have to go but I’ll come and pick you up tomorrow, okay?” Dallon hummed and nodded, rubbing his eyes.

“Come here.” Dallon muttered placing a hand in his hair and dragging him down, kissing him softly.

Ryan gagged and Kenny smacked his thigh, he shook his head and smiled. After few more kisses Brendon stood up and headed outside, Dallon sighed and sat up groggily, he was still tired and he felt weak but he could deal with it. Ryan smiled at him and stood up, Kenny dragged him in the kitchen and Dallon just sighed, he wasn’t really hungry but he couldn’t let his friends down, plus if he wanted to get better he needed to start eating a little.

Ryan smiled and let him lay the table while Kenny was eating few chips. Ryan and Kenny were forcing each other to not address the topic, Dallon was glad about it, he didn’t want to talk about anything in that moment, luckily both of them had understood it and they just decided to have a normal sleepover. Dallon was still a little shocked by what had happened but he didn’t want to think about it, he didn’t want to get sad and anxious again.

He had his friends with him, he had Brendon and that was okay, he didn’t need anything else to be happy. He just had to live with his grandmother for two more years and then he could search his own place, two years weren’t that long after all. He checked his phone and saw a message from his dad, asking him where he was, he answered and then put his phone back in his pocket, looking up and smiling at Ryan.

“Kenny stop eating!” Ryan whined grabbing the almost empty chips bag. “Are you kidding me?”

“Listen, I’m hungry.”

Dallon laughed and sat down on his usual spot, he looked at Ryan and Kenny and shook his head, he loved them. “Guys please.” He said chuckling.

It was always the same story but that was what made Ryan and Kenny his best-friends.


	11. Young and Dumb

Brendon asked Dallon to be his boyfriend the second week of May. They had gone out to the cinema and Dallon had enjoyed himself, Brendon was a sweetheart and he had planned everything in every small detail. Since his dad had punched him things had been strange, Ryan and Kenny were even more overprotective and Brendon was always around, making sure that he was okay and safe. He appreciated it but at the same time he was scared to be beaten up again even if his dad had apologized and said that he would never ever lay a finger on him. Dallon had appreciated the apology.

Brendon had driven them to the cinema, they had watched the movie while playing with their fingers and lazily making out. It was a cute date, Dallon had a lot of fun with Brendon and they talked a lot after the movie, Brendon asked him if he was still going to therapy and Dallon said yes, telling him that he was now taking a different kind of pill and that his psychiatrist had made him go to a nutritionist. He had to gain almost twenty pounds but he was determined to get better, he could do it.

When they sat down at the table in the small and modest restaurant Brendon popped the question, making Dallon smile and nod. They shared a soft and slow kiss and then Dallon just laughed and shook his head, resting his chin on his hand and observing Brendon. He had a boyfriend now and he was the most attractive guy on the whole planet, he couldn’t wait to tell Ryan and Kenny that he had a boyfriend now.

Brendon also knew about Lucas, they had talked about him in the past weeks and Brendon hated the guy. He didn’t understand how Dallon had decided to date him, he seemed an asshole and from what he had heard from Ryan and Kenny he was pretty sure that he truly was. He seemed that kind of guy that no one should trust and the fact that he had ruined a huge part of Dallon’s life made him mad, oh so mad.

However now they were together and Brendon was planning on making it last. He liked Dallon, he wasn’t sure if he was in love or not but sure did like Dallon, he was sweet and he was the best guy he had ever met. He completed him, he was outgoing and he always followed his impulses while Dallon was shy, he thought about everything at least three times before doing something. He was also bossy and Brendon loved that part of him, he liked to have everything under control; Brendon loved that side of him.

“Wanna come over to mine tonight?” He asked while playing with the straw of his milkshake.

Dallon nodded. “Sure, why not.” He bit his lower lip and cleared his throat.

Brendon held his hand and stroked his knuckles. “We could watch Black Mirror.” He said smiling, seeing Dallon relax a little.

“I’d like that, yeah.” He nodded again and Brendon smiled.

“Are you a big spoon or a small spoon?”

“What do you think?” Dallon said arching an eyebrow.

Brendon laughed and raised both of his hands in front of his chest. “Sorry mister, I forgot that you’re taller and tougher than me.”

Dallon laughed and shook his head. “Idiot.” He chuckled and Brendon smiled, blowing him a kiss.

When they reached Brendon’s house Dallon started to panic a little. He was ready to have sex, he didn’t want to do it that night, but he was there now and maybe Brendon wanted something from him, Dallon wasn’t sure. He stepped inside the big house and closed quietly the door, Brendon’s parents were asleep and they didn’t want to disturb them. They headed slowly in Brendon’s room and then they shut the door, Dallon sat down on the bed and looked at Brendon, he was still nervous but he smiled anyway, biting his lower lip with a sigh.

Brendon took off his jacket and then grabbed the laptop, he settled it in the middle of the bed and laid down, patting the empty spot near him, Dallon smiled and rolled closer to him, resting his head on the pillow under him, intertwining his fingers with Brendon’s. They picked an episode of Black Mirror and started to cuddle while watching the show, Brendon ended up with his head on Dallon’s chest and his legs were wrapped around his thighs while Dallon was simply holding him close, rubbing his back and kissing his head.

“You’re comfy.” Brendon mumbled half asleep. “You’re a nice pillow.” He muttered stretching his arms with a yawn.

“I figured it out, Bren.” He said kissing him. “You should put your pajama on.”

Brendon whined and rolled his eyes. “I have a spare one for you.” He said before sitting up with a pout.

He started rummaging through the drawers and then he pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, neither of them were going to fit and Dallon knew it. “I can sleep in my boxers if it isn’t a problem.” He whispered looking at his hands.

“Yeah, I don’t mind.” Brendon said eyeing him before starting to undress.

Dallon stood up and faced the opposite wall, he didn’t want to stare at Brendon while he was undressing, he didn’t want to be a creep and freak him out. Thus he removed his clothes as quick as possible, tossing them on the floor and hurrying under the covers, he hid his body with them and looked at the ceiling. Brendon sighed and slid under the duvet, he moved around for a little under he got in a comfortable position- his head on Dallon’s shoulder, an arm on his chest while the other one was under his neck, his right leg around Dallon’s waist while the other one was pressed on his leg.

Dallon swallowed hard and closed his eyes when he felt Brendon’s curios hands on his chest. He explored his skin with his fingers and he frowned when he pressed his index on his ribs. Dallon felt tears burning in his eyes and he just squeezed his eyes shut, he sucked in his stomach and Brendon rested his hand on it, caressing gently his skin.

“You’re beautiful, you know.” Brendon whispered kissing his cheek, nosing gently his jaw. “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.” He murmured resting his head on his shoulder and squeezing him between his arms.

Dallon smiled a little and sniffed quietly. “I’m really not.”

Brendon sighed and kissed his collarbone, making Dallon shiver and suck in his stomach again. “It’s just me, you can relax you know.” He whispered nuzzling his jaw. Dallon nodded and let out a sigh, making Brendon smile a little. “Goodnight.”

Dallon looked down at him and saw Brendon stare at his face, he kissed him gently and wrapped his arms around him, keeping close. Brendon was nice, he was making him happy and Dallon wasn’t used to that kind of feeling. He liked it though, he liked how Brendon kept him safe in his arms.


	12. Dreaming of You

School ended way too quickly and Brendon and Dallon were still together. The last day of school Ryan, Kenny and Dallon went out for lunch, it was a ritual and Brendon understood that, plus he wasn’t going to be in town until the following Monday because his family had dragged him on a vacation. Dallon was slightly sad about it but he didn’t really care, they had promised each other to keep in touch and talk during those days.

Ryan had found a new sushi bar downtown and Dallon had agreed on going there, he was getting better and he was dealing with his BDD way better than before. He had gained three pounds in a month and that was okay, he was okay with it and he didn’t hate himself that much anymore. Step by step he was taking control of his life again and that was good, he was proud of himself for not giving up again.

In the past month he had opened up with Brendon about his past, he had told him about his mother and about his suicide attempt, he had cried and cried but after that he had felt good, he had felt happy and ready to move on. Having someone by his side was useful, he could talk with Brendon and having him, Ryan and Kenny made him feel safe. They were his thick and fuzzy blanket- metaphorically speaking- and they loved him.

Ryan and Kenny always worried so much about him, he didn’t know how he could even thank them for what they had done for him. They were his family and he would be lost without them. He knew that he was sickly sweet sometimes but he couldn’t help it, he really couldn’t.

They all had fun in the sushi bar, they ate a lot and they joked and laughed and shared memories of that school year. Ryan announced that he was dating a girl and both Kenny and Dallon started to submerge him with questions. He talked about her and they all decided to go out together, inviting her during one of their usual “day out”, maybe Brendon could tag along. They could all have a triple date, it was cheesy but it was also nice.

“We should go to the park near our school and take some cool photos.” Ryan said sipping his water.

“Do you mean that we should go the park near our school and that I should take some cool photos of you?” Dallon asked arching an eyebrow.

“Of course, you are our photographer.” Kenny said laughing.

“I wanna get paid.”

“I have a dollar.” Ryan said smiling.

“I have two.” Kenny shrugged and winked.

“Three dollars are better than nothing.” They laughed and Dallon shook his head. “Why am I even friend with you?”

“Because you love me.” Kenny smiled and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Because I have amazing hair, obviously.” Ryan muttered nudging Kenny in his hip.

The afternoon passed by quickly, Dallon took a lot of pictures of the three of them in the park and then they went home, tired and sleepy. He took the bus and almost fell asleep, he wanted to take a nap before having dinner and he needed to shower to wash away the strong smell of weed from his hair and from his body.

However as soon as he got home he fell asleep on his bed, with his clothes still on and his shoes on the floor. He was lying on top of the covers and he had his face hidden under the pillow, he rolled on his back and snored quietly, his chest raising and falling slowly while his hand twitched in his sleep. He was so relaxed that he just let his body go numb, he slept until midnight and no one dared to wake him up.

Suddenly a pair of warm and soft hands were on his chest, he could smell the strong scent of cologne in the air and he could feel hair tickling his nose. He opened his eyes and saw Brendon on top of him, his eyes slightly open and a small smile on his face, everything about him made Dallon shiver in pleasure and soon enough his found himself with a hard on, breathing shallowly and staring at the ceiling. Brendon’s ass was on his crotch and he whined quietly when he started to grind his hips on his, making Dallon’s breath itch.

Brendon kissed him, hard and fast, it was new for Dallon, everything was so new and unexplored and he just felt his stomach tighten up. He was a virgin, of course he was, but he thought that he was ready to take that huge step. Brendon had never pushed him or addressed the topic, they had made out lazily in those months but they always stopped there. Dallon was feeling a little overwhelmed but Brendon’s soft hand ended up on his cheek and everything went quiet for a minute.

He could hear his heart beat in his ears and he could feel Brendon’s soft and plump lips on his neck, on his jaw and on his face, leaving kisses all over his skin. It was okay, he was okay, they were okay, Dallon could relax and enjoy himself. It wasn’t like he had never jerked off- he did that quite a lot, thank you- but he never had someone else’s hand on him. He was pretty sure that Brendon was an expert, he had dated few people in the past and surely he had done something with them, thus Dallon trusted him with all of his heart.

What hurt most was that when he opened his eyes, everything was gone and he was left with an aching boner in his pants. He groaned and pressed a hand on his face, he was such a mess and such a cliché, having a wet dream about his own boyfriend. It was strange yet not unwelcome, he preferred jerking off while thinking about Brendon than on porn, it was way more intimate and it made him feel all fuzzy and tingling.

He wondered if he would feel that when they would have sex for the first time, he wondered if not being completely in love would make the difference but he didn’t want to answer those questions in that moment, he had something else to worry about. And he felt a little ashamed when he caught his phone light up, Brendon’s name appeared on the screen and his hand twitched. He had send him a message, a cheesy one that made Dallon’s heart skip a beat.

He got rid of his boner and, after cleaning his hands and his stomach, he answered with an even cheesier message. He loved how nicely they clicked together, Brendon was a sneaky shit most of the times but Dallon would never change that. He could easily picture them in the future and that scared him, it wasn’t something that he liked nor appreciated, he was only sixteen yet he had a boyfriend and he was falling in love with him.

Brendon answered immediately, asking him if he could call him and Dallon said yes because he had missed his voice, he had missed his loud laugh and his awful jokes. He clutched the phone in his hands and waited, Brendon called him few seconds later and Dallon smiled widely.

“Hey babe.”

Everything was okay now.


	13. Sweet

Brendon was lying on his bed, he had returned from his vacation a week before and then Dallon had gone for two weeks to the beach. Brendon missed him so much that his body was almost aching, he missed everything about him, he missed his skin and he missed his soft scent, his deep voice and his quiet laugh. He missed him, he missed being able to hold him and to be held by him, he missed his gentle touch and his warm eyes.

Brendon had never fallen in love before and now he was falling hard for him, Dallon was so precious and so unique, he liked him and the idea of falling in love scared him, it scared him to death. He loved him and realizing it petrified him, he was scared because love was an important feeling and Dallon was fragile, he couldn’t risk to ruin him.

An incoming call on Skype made him arch an eyebrow, he looked at the screen of his computer and dragged it on his legs, smiling a little. Dallon was calling him and Brendon cooed quietly, excited and happy. He clicked on the green button and smiled a little, Dallon was beautiful with his hair still wet and a loose shirt on. He was pretty, oh so pretty, and Brendon blinked twice, smiling widely and licking his lower lip.

“Hey.” He murmured softly, smiling. “How was your day?” Brendon asked taking a sip from his glass of water.

“Good, kind of. It’s so fucking hot and I think I’m melting. I took three showers today, three.” He muttered. “What about you?” He asked smiling.

“Boring.” Brendon shrugged and pursed his lips a little. “I went out with a bunch of friends today, I saw Ryan with his girlfriend at the mall.” He said smiling.

“Yeah, he needed to buy hair dye and Giselle went with him.” He yawned and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

“Are you tired?” Brendon asked resting his back on the headboard.

“A little, we went to the beach and I fell asleep under the beach umbrella.” He laughed quietly and Brendon took a bite from his slice of pizza. “Ahw man, you can’t eat that in front of me.” He said shaking his head.

“Why not?” Brendon asked munching slowly his food.

“Because I want pizza but my dad wants to eat something else.” He muttered sighing.

“I’m sorry baby, I’ll buy pizza for you once you come back.” Brendon smiled and blew him a kiss.

Dallon giggled and hummed, shaking his head. “Two more days and then I’m back.” He smiled and sighed happily.

“Can’t wait.” Brendon said smiling with a yawn.

Dallon smiled and sighed quietly, playing with the hem of his t-shirt and looking around. He was okay but he missed Brendon, it was hilarious because he was falling hard and fast for him and that was kind of scary. It made him anxious, the idea of falling in love with someone was strange, he wasn’t used to feel that warm and bubbly feeling in his stomach. He wasn’t used to that, definitely, but he liked how Brendon made him feel, he truly cared about him and Dallon was surprised about that, it was strange to have someone taking care of him.

Lucas had tried to contact him again and Dallon had freaked out, he didn’t told Brendon yet but he had talked with Ryan about it. He didn’t want to alarm his boyfriends even if he knew that he should have told him. Lucas was still a sensitive topic for them and he didn’t want to make him stress. Brendon was way too caring and Dallon appreciated that but at the same time that freaked him out, he wasn’t used to that.

He pursed his lips and Brendon smiled a little, they stayed in silence for a while and Brendon kept eating while Dallon drank his glass of apple juice, they shared few glances at each other and then Dallon yawned, rubbing his face and his eyes. He got into bed and stirred a little, he sighed and stared at Brendon through the screen, smiling and hiding his face behind his pillow, chewing quietly the cloth.

“Do you have to do anything tonight?” He asked resting his head on the pillow.

“No, why?” Brendon murmured.

“Do you want to talk until we fall asleep?” He muttered tugging his t-shirt off, making Brendon wiggle his eyebrows. “Stop it.” He said blushing and shaking his head.

Brendon laughed and hummed. “Yeah why not, it sounds cool.” He said stretching his arms above his head.

They kept talking until Brendon stirred and curled his fingers around the hem of the blanket. He sighed quietly and Dallon smiled, starting to hum a song that he had heard months before. It was almost a lullaby and Brendon whined quietly when he started to fall asleep, it was so strange to have so sweet and caring with him, Brendon just wanted to tell Dallon that he loved him, even if he wasn’t completely sure about it.

Dallon smiled and blew him a kiss, he closed his eyes and hummed happily, Brendon’s soft breath soon turned into a slow snoring sound and Dallon chuckled. He was too tired to spend his night looking at Brendon thus he just slept and kept his laptop turned on, Brendon was asleep too and it was like they were sleeping in the same bed, it was nice, strange but nice.

The next morning Brendon wake up first and few instant later it was Dallon’s turn, they stared at each other and they both started to laugh quietly, looking at each other for few seconds. Brendon rubbed his face and yawned, stirring a little under the covers. He hummed quietly and looked at Dallon chuckling, he had messy hair and sleepy eyes and he was pouting a little. It was probably one of the cutest thing Brendon had ever seen.

“Good morning.” He murmured hoarsely. Dallon just grunted and rubbed his eyes. “Grumpy, are we?” Brendon said laughing quietly.

Dallon rolled his eyes and sighed. “I’m still tired.” He muttered.

“I know baby, but you’re going to have fun at the beach today.” He said smiling, stretching his arms while yawning loudly.

Dallon smiled and hummed quietly, turning his head toward him and staring at his face. “You’re pretty when you wake up.” He said smirking a little. “You have a cute face.” He said nodding.

Brendon cleared his throat and shook his head, he licked his lower lip and sighed quietly, blowing him a kiss. Dallon chuckled and sat up, he grabbed his t-shirt and put it on quickly, he smiled one last time at Brendon and they waved at each other before hanging up.


	14. Keep On Loving You

When Dallon came back from his vacation he went to Brendon’s place, he had missed him a lot and Brendon had begged him to go to his house as soon as he could, and obviously Dallon agreed. He was still a little nervous but at the same time he wanted to take a big step with Brendon, he wanted to and he needed to because in that week away from him he had understood that Brendon was everything for him.

When Brendon opened the door Dallon found himself between his arms, Brendon literally jumped on him and wrapped his limbs around him, pressing his face in his neck and kissing all over his face, smiling and laughing quietly. Dallon grabbed the underside of his thighs and kissed his forehead, Brendon cupped his face and kissed his lips, humming and gripping his hair, pressing his whole body on him and kissing him harder than before.

“Missed you, missed you.” He whispered on his lips smiling a little. “You’re… fuck I missed you.” He muttered closing his eyes and pressing another kiss on Dallon’s lips.

Dallon smiled and kissed him back, pressing his forehead on his. “I missed you too.” Dallon said kissing his lips a little gentler.

“Bedroom, I wanna cuddle.” Brendon whispered kissing his neck, hugging him tightly.

Dallon swallowed hard and nodded, carrying Brendon upstairs. They laid down on the bed and Brendon snuggled closer and closer, hiding his face in his neck and pressing his lips on his jawline before starting to kiss and nibble on his neck, making Dallon chuckle quietly with his eyes closed. He rubbed his sides and Brendon hummed happily, he rolled a little closer and smiled, pressing another kiss on his collarbone.

Brendon smiled weakly and sucked a little hickey on his collarbone, Dallon licked his lower lip and stared at him with wide eyes, he was a little taken aback but he just closed his eyes and a small moan escaped from his lips. Brendon giggled and sat up, sneaking a hand inside his t-shirt, he looked at him with a small smile and Dallon nodded, allowing Brendon to caress all over his chest and waist, making him shiver.

Few instant later and both of their t-shirts were gone, Dallon was lying on his back with Brendon between his legs. His sweatpants were a little tighter on his crotch, Brendon smiled a little and kissed his nose, he pursed his lips a little and sighed quietly. Dallon traced his chest with his fingers and kissed his hands, seeing Brendon smile and laugh quietly. He bit his lower lip and placed his hands on his thighs, breathing a little shallowly since he was nervous and aroused.

“Can I?” He asked stroking his lower abdomen slowly. Dallon nodded, not trusting his voice at all. “Tell me if you want to stop or slow down, okay?” He murmured on his lips, lowering his sweatpants.

Dallon stared at the ceiling and lifted his hips a little, Brendon slid off his pants and then his hands were touching and squeezing his thighs, he placed small kisses all over them and he waited until Dallon parted them, slowly, allowing Brendon to kiss and nuzzle the inner part. He could feel his hot breath near his crotch and he could feel his soft fingers on his knees, caressing his skin slowly and kissing all over him. He dared to look down at him and he almost came just because of that sight: Brendon with his lips a little swollen and red, his eyes closed and his hair sticking everywhere.

“Take your pants off, please.” Dallon whispered sliding his hands down his back.

Brendon pulled back and smiled, he stood up and in a matter of seconds his pants were gone and Dallon saw a prominent bulge in his boxers, which made him shiver. His throat was dry and every word hurt, he just looked at him and he lifted a hand to touch his chest, slowly and carefully, his hands dropped down and his index stopped just above the waistband of his boxers, Brendon had his eyes closed and his breath was a little shallow, it was adorable.

He rolled on his back and looked at Dallon. “You- you should sit between my legs.” He murmured touching gently his cheek.

“Why?” He asked sitting up, resting a hand on his stomach. “I thought that you would be on top.” He furrowed his eyebrows and licked his lower lip.

“Do you want me to be?” Brendon whispered curling his fingers in his hair. Dallon shrugged and dipped his head down to kiss him softly. “I prefer bottoming.” He murmured on his lips, smiling a little.

Dallon sighed quietly and bit his lower lip. “I- you should tell me what to do.” He murmured a quietly, a little ashamed.

Brendon smiled sweetly and cupped his face, brushing his nose with his own. “I know, I know.” He kissed him gently and guided his hands down his chest, Dallon’s breath itched when he understood that he had to remove Brendon’s underwear. “We can stop if you want.” Dallon shook his head and swallowed hard.

With a quick move he removed Brendon’s boxers, he sat between his legs and he looked down at his body, studying every inch of his delicate skin, smiling and kissing his neck, biting softly and mimicking what Brendon had done before. The soft moans that escaped from Brendon’s mouth made him gain a little of confidence and his hands started to wander around, touching here and there and brushing his inner thigh, making Brendon flutter his eyes close.

And then both of them were completely naked and Dallon had one finger inside Brendon, a package of lube laid near them with a condom. He tried his best and he followed Brendon’s instructions, adding a finger and then another one and stretching him out slowly, carefully. Brendon was a moaning mess and Dallon’s cheek were red and his eyes were wide and dark. When Brendon rolled the condom on him he closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of that warm hand around him.

He slowly- oh so fucking slowly- pushed inside Brendon and everything stopped. It was tight, warm and he could feel himself already close. He licked his lips and his head dropped down on Brendon’s shoulder, that was it, he was making love for the first time and it was amazing. His whole body tingled and when Brendon told him to start thrusting he let out an embarrassing high moan, but shortly after Brendon’s moans, curses and incoherent words filled the room.

Brendon had his legs wrapped around Dallon’s torso, his hands were on his back and Dallon kept a hand on his shoulder while the other was jerking him off. Brendon came first, his whole body shuddered when Dallon hit his prostate and he closed his eyes, arching his back and almost sitting up, wrapping his arms around Dallon’s back and panting with his face hidden in his neck. Dallon held him with both of his arms and he came with a choked moan and his hair plastered to his forehead.

They both laid down and Brendon curled on Dallon’s chest, his arms were still around his neck and he was falling asleep. Dallon had never felt better, he was okay, Brendon was okay, they were okay. He kissed the top of his head and held him tighter, realizing that he’d be lost without him.


	15. Each Time You Fall In Love

After that day things got even better. Brendon and Dallon were obviously in love with each other and they were always together. Dallon’s dad had apologized- again- and he had told him that he had started seeing a psychologist, Dallon was happy for him. He hadn’t told him that he had a boyfriend yet, he wanted to wait and see if everything went okay. Brendon, Kenny and Ryan were always with him, they hanged out every day and Dallon couldn’t ask for anything better.

That day Brendon had asked him if he wanted to go downtown with him since it few days it was going to be Kenny’s sister birthday and they had to buy her a present. Dallon said yes, obviously, and at ten p.m. Brendon was in front of his house with his freshly washed car and fixed A.C. Dallon rushed down the stair and got into the car, kissing him and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. The air conditioner hit him in the face and he let out a satisfied sigh, humming and brushing Brendon’s cheekbone.

“Are you hungry?” Brendon murmured leaving soft pecks on his lips.

“Yeah, can we go to Starbucks?”

Brendon smiled and nodded. In the past month Dallon had started to gain weight again and he looked damn hot, Brendon told him that every single day. His thighs had become a little fuller and Brendon loved to bite and squeeze them with his hands, digging his nails in his skin slowly. His stomach wasn’t hollowed anymore and his ribs weren’t showing that much, he had a little and adorable pudge and Brendon always used it as a pillow, he loved everything about Dallon and he never failed to tell him that.

They sat down at a table and Brendon sipped his coffee while eating his chocolate marble loaf cake while Dallon took a red velvet cake crème Frappucino and an everything bagel, and they obviously shared everything. Dallon ended up with his head on Brendon’s shoulder and their hands intertwined under the table, smiling at each other. They were so sweet sometimes that Ryan used to tell them that they were going to give him diabetes. It was true though, they were always close to each other, they always held hands and they kissed whenever they had the occasion.

“What should we buy her?” Brendon asked with a mouthful of marble loaf cake.

“First of all, gross.” Dallon said pointing at the crumbs that had fallen from Brendon’s mouth. “And I don’t know. What does she like?” He asked taking a sip from his Frappuccino.

“You know her better than me, ask her.” He said rolling his eyes. “Does she likes music? Art? Something?”

Dallon hummed chewed quietly. “She likes one of that popular band that you hate, I don’t remember the name, but she loves make up so we could find something for her?” He said shrugging.

“Like something from Sephora?”

“Dude we can’t afford stuff from Sephora.”

Brendon laughed and hummed, resting his face on his hands. “Maybe a coupon?” He said looking at him with a smile.

“Sounds good to me.” Dallon smiled and finished his bagel. “We also need to go to Lush.” He muttered wiping his mouth. Brendon arched an eyebrow. “I finished my face mask.”

The day went by quickly, they walked around for hours and they found everything they needed. Brendon was holding Dallon’s hand and they were looking at few shops, smiling at each other and talking about nothing in particular, they just enjoyed being together. Brendon asked Dallon if he wanted to have dinner at his place and he agreed, the Urie family was always nice and supportive and Dallon liked them.

They treated him right, they were a bit taken aback when Brendon introduced him as his boyfriend but they didn’t mind, they liked Dallon and they accepted him. That night they had cooked pizza- both Mr. and Mrs. Urie loved homemade food- and Dallon could already feel his mouth water. He texted his dad saying that he was going to have dinner with a friend and then he pushed his phone in his pocket, almost yelping when Brendon started to drag him upstairs.

They tumbled on his bed and as soon as Dallon settled down Brendon curled on top of him, kicking off his shoes and resting his face in the crook of his neck. He looked up at him and smiled weakly, kissing him and rubbing his face with his thumbs, smiling and giggling on his lips. Dallon held him tightly and he nuzzled his face, smiling and resting his chin on top of his head. Brendon pressed his ear on his chest and he held his breath for few seconds, listening to his heartbeat like it was a perfect song.

In the past months Dallon had understood that life wasn’t easy, that it wasn’t easy to get back on his feet after what had happened, it was a slow process and it was okay to feel bad sometimes, he was human. He was still taking pills and they helped, he was still seeing a psychiatrist and that helped too, he wasn’t ashamed of that anymore, there was no point in trying to be perfect because no one was. Ryan was still there and Kenny was still telling him how much they loved him, Brendon was still by his side and he couldn’t ask for anything better.

“I love you, you know.” Brendon murmured with his face pressed in his neck.

“I know. I love you too.” He muttered kissing his forehead, combing his hair a little.

“I want to lie here with you for the rest of my life.” He smiled and looked up at him, pursing his lips a little and wrapping his arms around his shoulder.

Dallon smiled and kissed him softly, pressing his thumb on his chin. “You and I, your parents’ homemade pizza and Netflix, sounds like a plan.” Brendon smiled and kissed him again.

Brendon brushed his cheeks and sighed. “Have you taken your…” He murmured without finishing his sentence.

“I have, don’t worry.”

Brendon smiled and hugged him tightly, pressing his face in the crook of his neck. He was so lucky to have Dallon with him, he was so fucking lucky to have someone as nice as him in his life. He felt loved and appreciated, he felt wanted and protected and he made sure to make Dallon feel the same way. He had spent countless of nights holding him while he was crying, telling him that he loved him and that he was there for him, that he didn’t have to be scared of nothing because he had him and Ryan and Kenny.

Dallon was slowly getting better and Brendon was proud of him, he had saw him become someone stronger and better, he had saw him fight and lose sometimes, but he had always managed to not give up.

Dallon was getting better.


End file.
